Peer Review (20303 Kim Gaeun)

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4점, 흥미로운 주제

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
글을 좀더 강화했으면 좋겠다는 생각이 든다.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
the Internet real-name system is an appropriate tool to solve the social problems in cyber space.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
네

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
con의 입장


Any other thoughts?
신선한 주제는 아니지만 글 내용이 기대된다.


Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
네

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
네

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
네

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
네

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
네

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
네

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
좀더 내용 풍부하게해줬으면 좋겠지만, 이과니까 정시 파이팅 ㅋㅋ

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
동의

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
동의

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?


How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
내용을 좀더 풍부하게!

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
네

Is the research from appropriate sources?
네


Are the sources obvious?
네

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
ㅔ네

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
네

Peer Review (20302 Gwak SangHun)

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
5점. 흥미로운 의견과 생각 그리고 논리, 괜찮은 것 같음.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
어법적 요소를 체크해주고 의견을 좀더 강하게 뒷받침 할 수 있도록 만든다면 충분할 것 같음.


Thesis
What is the thesis?
We can protect ourselves from the criminals by admitting that they are same with us

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
네

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
저는 con의 입장에서 썼을 것 같습니다.

Any other thoughts?
신선한 주제, 글 내용이 궁금해지게 만든다.


Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
네

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
초입부터 뭔가 너무 확 깊이 들어간다는 느낌? 완급조절이 있다면 좋을 것 같음. 그외에는 괜찮음

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
네

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
네

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
네

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
네

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
완급조절

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
동의하지 않음

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
동의
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
논리가 괜찮은 듯 전체적으로

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
어법요소 체크



Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
네

Is the research from appropriate sources?
네


Are the sources obvious?
네

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
ㅔ네

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
네

APA CITATION

1) Kendra Cherry(?). Theories of Emotions. Retrieved from

    http://psychology.about.com/od/psychologytopics/a/theories-of-emotion.htm

2) Seok Jin Lim(2009). Philosophy Dictionary. Retrieved from

    http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=388485&cid=41978&categoryId=41985

3) The Biography.com website(2014). Sigmund Freud.  Retrieved from

    http://www.biography.com/people/sigmund-freud-9302400#video-gallery

4) Examples of Id Ego and Superego(n.d.). Retrieved  from 

    http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-id-ego-and-superego.html

5) Richard W.(2007) .Affective Motivation and Emotional Competency. Retrieved from

  http://www.uri.edu/research/lrc/scholl/webnotes/Motivation_Affective.htm

6) Kendra Cherry(?). The purpose of emotions. Retrieved from

    http://psychology.about.com/od/emotion/tp/purpose-of-emotions.htm

7) ShinJu Kang(2003, November). Lesson of Emotions. Retrieved from

    http://mkhued.tistory.com/200

Second Draft

 The human behavior radically comes from emotions rather than reason.

 

 Our daily lives are filled with a constant sequence of behaviors. In order to get up you stretch your back and go to wash. In order to go to bed you turn off a television and walk into your bedroom. Thinking of why you behave seems to be unimportant to you. You just take the behaviors for granted and do not care about. On the contrary, there have been many philosophers or behaviorists who made efforts to explain the root of human behavior. Some of them prefer mentioning human reason, emotions or will to interpret the starting point or the basis of human behavior. Such efforts of them are connected with a debate. The debate to shed light on the truth of human behavior is still underway and will not end until the complete research on body. Despite this vagueness, it seems like truth that the human behavior radically comes from emotions rather than others like reason.

  Sigmund Freud is the most well-known psychoanalyst who tried to explain human instinct. He denied any religious explanation in terms of human consciousness and behavior but accepted and created more logical and reasonable theory to explain them. He separated human mind into three parts : Ego, Superego and Id. This is what we call ‘psychodynamic theory.’ According to his theory, desire that comes from the id that includes biological instinct, emotions and basic conflict in his early life lets one behave in a particular way. Also, ego and superego lead one to behave in realistic and moral way. These id, ego and superego’s roles are similar concept to human reason and emotions. Emotions as starting point of behavior and reason as limiting process of consciousness can be explained through id and, superego and ego in his theory.

  Some people deny the necessity of emotions, looking only negative aspects of emotions such as urge, carnal desire or bad feelings or regarding them as just animal senses. Some of them even regard reason and reflection as the best part of human. They are overlooking the ‘variety of life’ which comes from emotions. Because of sorrow, there is happiness and because of the feeling of inadequacy, there is satisfaction. Byungsu Kim, a Korean psychologic professor in Seoul Asan hospital, emphasized the necessity of emotions and said that people need to follow the decision by emotions. Regarding emotions as uncivilized things is invalid misunderstanding. Recognizing the importance of emotions and reason and understanding the specific process of them which have effects on human behavior is necessary to everyone. Thus, I would like to explain the process, resolving a misunderstanding that reason is more fundamental process for one’s behavior.

  There are some difficulties to shed light on the truth of complicated human behavior with specific evidences. Thus, discussing this topic should depend on logic and real examples. I will introduce appropriate logic and examples to support this idea.

  The first reason is that emotions are the first instant response which induce one to decide to behave in particular way toward your body state or surroundings. This is also supported by Dr. Richard W. Scholl's research and Freud’s <Psychodynamic Theory> mentioned above. His theory which mentions the id, ego, and superego can be interpreted as concept of emotions and reason. Also, according to his theory, the process of human behavior is clearly explained through the concept of them. I skip specific explanation of the theory because I have already mentioned above.

  Also, think of your daily life. From getting up and eating to sleeping, most behaviors start very momentarily by the feeling of your body without reflection. It is because, emotions operate directly and primarily to influence on human before the operation of reason. Imagine your morning. Before getting up, sense of fullness that you slept enough or fear that you might get scolded later if you don't get up now come to you and make your eyes open. When you are working, if your boss set you a hard task, the excitement that you will be able to take a break after completing it or the fear that you might be scolded from the fierce boss make you do the work happily or reluctantly. In this way, the starting point of human behavior can be explained with emotions. In this part, the emotion is former emotion.

  In the next, human can control his or her behavior by reason(reflection) which comes after the start of the behavior. A Korean famous psychologist, Buyngsu Kim says that reason plays a role to control or limit one’s behavior through the reflection about reality, emphasizing that the most reliable origin of human behavior is emotions. Also, as mentioned above, once human starts to do something by the former emotion, they feel consequent emotion as an impression which comes from what you did. By the consequent emotion, you operate your reasoning system to control the behavior or save the memory as feedback. Suppose that you have a meal. After you overeat, you will think that overeating can make you unhealthy and fat, so you make your own conclusion that you will never overeat next time. Like this, a kind of system which estimates what you did and control your behavior is what reason do.

  Someone can say that not every behavior comes from emotions. They say it is also true that some behaviors can come from reason or obligation. However, the opinion is overlooking that the primary step which causes behaviors which comes from obligation and reason is even emotions. For example of obligation, you can think of voluntary work. Before you start to do that, you would feel expectation that you will be proud of yourself through helping someone with the obligation. Also, for example of reason, you might reflect on something to plan before do that. However, because the reflection also comes from the fear that you might get damaged if you do not do well or expectation that you would get reward after completing that, the reasoning system operates. Namely, all of the start points of behaviors can be explained with emotions. This is not exclusion of reason or obligation.

  Some people also criticize this opinion, arguing that starting points of unconscious behaviors cannot be explained with just emotions. Then, can they be explained with reasoning process? However, it is not. Unconscious behavior is literally a kind of action from unconsciousness in human. This is what can be explained with any innate process or genetic action of human. It is inappropriate and impossible to mention the unconscious behaviors.

 To sum up, Emotions are the rapidest reactions to our body state or surrounding than any other factors such as reason. Then, of course, the human body works by the emotions before any other process. After the start of behavior, we human bodies go through the process of thinking, or reasoning time. This eventually makes bodies to stop, keep or refrain.

  Misunderstanding that reason is the first step of human behavior should be corrected. Reason has to be a sort of controller of human behavior which was first caused by various emotions. Then why do people have to consider the starting point and entire process of human behavior? It is because a human behavior has a great effect on a group, a society, a nation, and even the world. Although it is not true that all of the human behaviors do, humanity has seen many incidents caused by one’s or a group’s wrong behavior―you can recall Holocaust in Europe or a short period of autocracy by a man who wanted to keep his authority through killing all of people against him in Korea. It is probably impossible to say that these incidents are from the harmony of reason and emotions. In not only wide scope but also our lives, imbalance of emotions and reasons is very dangerous to ourselves or people around as well. What we should do to prevent the disharmony is recognize the exact principle of behavior and balance the reason and emotions appropriately. The ultimate purpose of Freud’s <Psychodynamic theory> was also to let people know that the balance of the id, ego, and superego(can be substituted to reason and emotions in this opinion) is very necessary. This idea is often being used as ideal theories to improve productiveness in workplace. This concept will lead to one’s good behavioral traits affecting himself or herself and even the world well.

 

Bibliography
 

1) http://www.biography.com/people/sigmund-freud-9302400 

2) <psychodynamic theory> http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-id-ego-and-superego.html

3) http://www.uri.edu/research/lrc/scholl/webnotes/Motivation_Affective.htm

4) http://psychology.about.com/od/emotion/tp/purpose-of-emotions.htm

5) https://www.boundless.com/management/textbooks/boundless-management-textbook/organizational-behavior-5/motivating-an-organization-45/importance-of-motivation-234-8375/

 

Theories of Emotion

My Topic :
Human behavior radically comes from emotions rather than reason.


What I hope to learn from this source:
I hope to find more specific definition of emotions and correlation between emotions and behavior.


Emotions exert anincredibly powerful force on human behavior. Strong emotions can cause you to take actions you might not normally perform, or avoid situations that you generally enjoy. Why exactly do we have emotions? What causes us to have these feelings? Researchers, philosophers, and psychologists have proposed a number of different theories to explain the how and why behind human emotions...

>> http://psychology.about.com/od/psychologytopics/a/theories-of-emotion.htm


Final Thoughts:
This article is saying that emotions have strong effects on behavior. To use this article and logic, I think I can reorganize my thought more firmly. I will read this article more.

Emotion and Mood Influences on Behavior in Workplace

My Topic :
Human behavior radically comes from emotions rather than reason.

What I hope to learn from this source:
I hope to find another resources to support my opinion and improve my logic.

>> https://www.boundless.com/management/textbooks/boundless-management-textbook/organizational-behavior-5/motivating-an-organization-45/importance-of-motivation-234-8375/

Final Thoughts:
I think this cannot be that strong resource because this research is based on work. However, i could know my opinion is used in particular field and  comes into effect.

Research Plan (After first draft)

 1. I need to contact an expert in this field. I'm gonna ask my friend who is interested in behavioral psychology (in MCH lol) to introduce some helpful information.

 2. I need to read more source (one or two) and improve my opinion.